October 31, 2020

'ADULTING' TIPS + Q&A! | MONGABONG

Hi guys, welcome back to my channel! Today we have Matt, my husband, have you met Matt? I just thought of that Anyway, today we're going to be talking about 'Adulting' Tips! A lot of you guys have been asking me to do this video, just basically sharing a little bit About my life experience, through uni, through saving up, through getting Married and getting a house, so on and soforth Basically becoming an adult.

And Ithought who better than Matt to come on The channel together with me to give youguys a little bit more advice and tips And just basically from our own lifeexperience.

I would say we pretty much Grew up together and grew into 'adulting' together because we met when I was 19 and he was 21, we were both in firstyear of uni in SMU.

I think whatever we Talk about is not exactly the rightway to do anything but it's more of like What we did and different people havedifferent ways to approach things.

When and how did we start talking about BTO together? We started, I think, second year of University.

No, actually we applied in the second year of university.

It's better to Plan earlier because if you were tograduate and want to get married then you Don't want to wait 4 years for BTOso that's why we decided to take the Leap of faith that we'll still betogether and apply for a house early on In our relationship I think we weretogether for two years only Yeah, like when we actually started applying, if you guys watched our love story Q&A, we Have known that we were dating for quitea while, dating like before Boyfriend/girlfriend I mean we both madeit very clear that if we Decide to get into a relationship witheach other the end goal is to get married Once we got official I think we alreadystarted talking about when are We gonna get married when should westart applying for BTO.

I'm not Saying that this is something thatshould be the way but it's worked for us Because we are both very similar peoplewhen it came to seeing my partner or my Boyfriend as my future husband but we doknow a lot Of friends that found talking about applying for BTO quite a taboo.

In this kind of situation I think it would be good would be, as a girl you shouldn't be like “When are you Going to marry me ah? Are you going to marry me or not? When are we going to apply for BTO? Like instead of coming across asaggressive or demanding, maybe try To sit down and talk about it andcome from a place where it's like, I really see a future with you andI want to build a future with you so I think it's to each its own.

Different couples handle this topic very very differently so it really Depends on your relationship and the goalsyou have as a couple.

For those who want To get married thinking about applyingfor BTO early on in a relationship Especially before you officially startwork might be a good idea because for us It took us about one and a half or twoyears before we actually got the house We got the queue number, till today we haven't got the house yet.

We bidded and failed four times until wefinally got it before we graduated So that was, on hindsight, a very good decision for us, to start early.

From a finances standpoint I think that that's a wise decision but it really depends on Whether you are ready or not lah.

Yeah, of course don't rush into it just because of The financial “upside” of it, ofcourse you have to make sure that your Relationship is stable first and hopefor the best There are also instances where peoplethat we know got house but ended up not Being together so they just forfeited the downpayment Which is I don't know, give an take lah, it's a risk that you have to take but you just see whether it's worth it lah.

So how do you guys manage your finances Do you split accounts or do you have jointaccounts? This is one question that we Got quite a lot.

Once again, to each itsown, to each couple their own.

When we Were dating, it was always half-half.

Like I said that we Were always in the same phase in life, it's not as if he's like much older and He has already started working whereas I was still a student so we were both studying the Same year together so we were bothequally as poor students lah When we got engaged or when we gotmarried, I think we're of the same belief That what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine lah, and regardless of whatever we were doing at that time At that point in time, actually we knew what our jobs were, but even Before that we are really kind of likeunderstood that once we got married it would be like a joint finance kind ofarrangement.

To be honest, it's very blurred, not that we're against Having a joint account, we are just a bitlazy to do it.

No, so in principle the money that we have belongs to all of us.

Like there isn't a 'your money' or' my money' kind of concept but in terms ofhaving of real physical account if you were to do your research and you know, the different banks for the different rates and we put our moneywhere we can maximize our interest rates And before all this COVID situation I'm sorry, my husband is so nerdy But it doesn't make sensefrom a practical financial standpoint to actually have a joint account becauseyou cannot maximize the interest rates in that way so while wetechnically think that our money is all the same but we don't actually have ajoint account.

Cool story.

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I just follow whatever he wants to do lah cuz, and this is anotherquestion: What does Matt do? He's a banker so he probably knows his finance stuffmore than me so I do trust him on that but when it comes to who pays for whatwe don't actually have a joint account but we always do it like 50/50 so evenfor the house is like right now because we are still living with my in-laws, we don't actually have to do groceries, we don't actually have to payfor utilities or stuff like that so when the time comes I also believe it's gonnabe probably like you take care of the utilities I take care of the groceries, you take care of the whatever and I'll take care of whatever, so it's very blurred.

But I think for those of you guys if you guys are worried like, “My husbandearns a lot more than me, what is fair when it comes to paying for things that are shared?” One way that I've heard from other people is that they usually have a jointaccount.

I feel like joint accounts are very, very common.

And just to keep thingsquarrel-free, I think a joint account is a good way.

Couples who have different earningpolicy usually go by a percentage so that it's more fair that way.

Perhaps 30%of your take-home pay and 30% of my take-home pay every month we'll transferand put it in joint account.

I think for unmarried couples there's a good way.

Formarried couples I think, personally, it's best to look at finances as a whole.

Ofcourse the day to day stuff you want to buy yourself like a makeup product orlike skincare thing you can just use the joint finances or yourfinances to buy, that shouldn't be a problem but in terms of making big decisions to buybig things, just example you want to buy a $5, 000 sofa, then it should be adecision that, as a household, you make together.

You'll be like “Oh, is that worth it?” You be like, the other person say “I don't think we need this.

Yeah, surely, but that person needs to take into account the other party'sviews Of course yeah, both have to take account each other's views lah Yeah, so it's same for day-to-day, household, wedding, holidays For us, it's very blurred, but I feel like we know we already a married couple youdon't have to be very gei gao over it, it's just money at the end of the day.

You have your whole lifetime to earn it Do we fight? Obviously, actually we dofight quite a lot.

How do we resolve them? Talk them out, I guess.

I mean everycouple has arguments.

It's just normal.

I don't think there is a couple that is argument-free.

I mean two humans come together and live together there will be conflicts.

Just have to talk it out lorh, and communicate well I feel like something we both learnt is that he cannot see anythingelse but his own points whenever he's angry.

For me my job is to kind of like, “You know what, you're in this state now let me take a step back, ” and insteadof going in and be like “I want your answer now, I want you to side with me, I want you to agree with me.

” Instead of doing that and forcing him in that state, he's obviously not gonna give me my answer and he's gonna be saying a lot morethings that are unnecessary and that would hurt me even more or justmake the situation worse So for me, my part would be to take astep back and be like “Okay look, you are in that state now, so maybe we canrevisit this ten minutes later.

Let's calm down, let's both calm down.

” I thinkit's different, like different couples are different.

I think for guys especially, I think what you know you hear a lot that girls and guys handle things verydifferently.

Girls very emotional and guys are not.

And then you hear that time andtime again.

I'm very emotional!! You hear it a lot, but you don't actually understand it.

I mean I'm sure most couples out there sometimes you do something small that isso insignificant to you, but the Girl can react so strongly to whateveryou- You better be careful orh! I'm pretty sure- wait, just let me talk.

It's like I'm sureevery single couple in the world goes through the same thing so, you just have torealize that both guys and girls think very differently which is why there's misunderstanding.

You just need to recognize That it's different That it's different and that's why And you cannot use your own reasoning, your own standard, like, oh I only when I get this then I would at peace.

And you cannotjust pin it on the other person because different people have different threshold for certain things, different priorities, different love languages so you have to see things from both sides.

What doesn't affect youat all my affect the person a lot so you just have to take that intoconsideration.

Are we gonna have a baby soon? Maybe in two years or one year? How is it like living with my in-laws? I actually really like it and I'm so gladthat I am spending circuit breaker with them because if not, it's just gonna be more quiet and with them around, I don't have toworry about anything, like they really take care of us very well.

We also have ahelper to help us with household chores and cooking.

And Matt's mom makes reallyreally good food and she also loves coffee which I also love.

We have alot of common topics, she loves Korean dramas.

Right now we are just havinga lot of fun with them around.

Do you think it's okay to check each other'sphones? I think is okay, personally I think it's okay I wouldn't mind But I think it's a matter of- You wouldn't mind checking or wouldn't mind being checked? Both ways lah I think it's a matter of trust that people don't yeah honestly I don't really have a problem with it, how about you? Honestly I also don't really have a problem with it, but I don't do it because, to even reach that state of mind where I have to think “Oh my gosh is he cheating on me, is he hiding from me?” like I think that initself is so tiring already to put myself through it, especially ifthere's really nothing, then for what I do that right? And I feel like even ifthere's something, the truth will reveal itself somehow, in some way.

I reallybelieve that women have our own intuitions.

For me if I feel like there'ssomething off, it might not be something you did, you said, or anything, like it's just a feeling that's when I think I will go and checkit but I don't really see a need to.

And I don't mind you checking my phone also, I don't even open my WhatsApp You also know She has like 500 unread messages.

I know I'm really the worst like texture I just like to be by myself.

How do you allocate time for eachother since both of you have such tight schedules for work? We drive together towork every morning.

She wakes up early for me and then we spend some time inthe car while I drive she does her makeup.

Atnight we still have a bit of time for each other usually when I get back home Cuz I don't sleep that early.

Most of the time when he comes home I'll still beworking as well.

And we have the weekends.

like for me, because I do freelance workright so I try to make it a point to not take on jobs on weekends and I try tojust clear all of my work on weekdays so that I have the weekend with him even ifI really do have work stuff he will make it a point to accompany me to my work stuff and if he wants to meet his friends sometimes he allows me to come alongwith him.

Most of the time.

Yeah most of the time.

Like, our friends are just mushed together already.

Even with my girls, he comes along with me.

My friends always say like, “Obviously you're 1+1, ” Every time I say, “Can Matt come?” and they're like “Mong, we just takeit that you're buy one get one free, ” Do you find it boring to be with us? No No.

I think he's quite rare like he really doesn't mind just sitting there listeningto the girls talk and gossip and just shop for clothes and stuff.

We do have quite a lot of university related questions, I assume because wemet in university.

Does your degree dictate where you go in life? Yes and no I'm the prime example my degree doesn't dictate where I go in life orwhat I do in life.

For me I graduated from SMU Accounting and I'm creatingcontent, I'm doing social media marketing, I'm doing modeling, filming, acting, hosting, just completely different.

I didn't even study marketing or anything.

For me if you ask me, the answeris a big no, but for him, he studied finance and he's now a banker.

Does your degree dictate where you go in life? Definitely not.

I think it's more of the other way around it's like more of what you want to do and do youneed a degree to get there I mean even with my degree or whatever degree you canpossibly get, if you want to be someone like her is going to be impossible through adegree right? As in, like, the degree doesn't get you there.

It does, so you have marketing, you have mass communications, you have a graphic design.

As in, it's related.

Yeah, but there's so many other different aspects that you need to be a successful person in your position it takes a lot more than adegree, basically that's what I'm saying.

Whereas for me, my job requires some sortof degree.

If you don't have that kind of degree you wouldn't be able to get intoit so it really depends on the job.

Yeah, but I feel like as long as you putyour heart and soul into doing something and you can see yourself doing it long termand still be happy.

And of course it has to be sustainable financially or evenemotionally, it doesn't always dictate where you go, but it's how you getthere.

I feel it's never too late in life if you want to do something you canalways find out what you need to get there and then, no matter how old you are You can always find your way there somehow, through hard work.

Yeah, I mean just like our topKorean student over here! What's that got to do with anything? Because you are kind of old and kind of like not interested in Korean, but you freaking like so good at it.

I'm not very goodat it Still very sour about how he always beats me in all the exams When do you know what you wanted to do? I didn't.

I didn't even know what I wanted to do, even right up to graduation.

I was like very lost because I knew that accountingwasn't really, really for me but I was also very scared to steer off the path ofwhat I was very comfortable in for four years right, thinking that mydegree is like my pathway to lead me there, but eventually what made me decideto pursue this was.

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Actually he was encouraging me quite a bitbecause he was saying, “You've been doing this like part-time while studying for two years and this is what you achieved, which is not bad, but what aboutif you were to do it full-time? And all you have to do is maybe just giveyourself a cut of date of two years, like really really chiong it and see how faryou can go, whether or not you still like it after two years and if you don't, thenyou can always go back into the workforce.

” I think she was very discouraged becauseat that point in time, being an influencer wasn't really a real job at a point in time.

Anda lot of people probably didn't really see it as a real job, which is what she wasworried about.

I was thinking that she enjoys it so much.

I don't think sheenjoys why she studied so to me it was a no-brainer.

For you, you knew you wantedto be a banker like freaking at 18 years old or something lorh No for me it's because whenI first joined university there was a group of seniors that I met who talkedto me about the good jobs out there and what they were doing, so I wasquite inspired by them so I think in the first year of my university, I already kind of knew what I was aiming for You can see the difference between the two of us.

He'slike a go-getter from the onset, he already knew what he wanted to do and hewas planning his way to get there.

Whereas for me I'm like just doing what I likeand everything, as long as I'm happy Blah blah blah, you know and then end of the day I'm like, oh no, shit, like it's graduation time.

What do I do now? A lot of people go through that.

Yeah so I think the point of this is to tell y'all that eventually you will know what you want, I guess.

You just have to let yourself havethe time to think about it, and avoiding it is not a solution.

Sometimes you doneed people like them to just slap you and wake you up and be like, “Look, it'stime for you to think about this already, stop avoiding the question!” I think for those people who are in university now, a lot of people don't know what they want todo.

But you realize that when you reach your final year or your penultimate yearyou'll be forced to think about it and you'll be forced to work hard.

I think alot of people at that point in time, they regret not thinking about it earlier.

Soif you're in your first few years, it definitely pays to do your research and speak to people about it.

Pros and cons of going for overseasexchange for six months? No cons.

Just pros.

No cons, just go.

Just pros.

Yeah, if you can, just go.

Of course, the cons is money lah.

I mean for me Ireally had to save up a lot to pay for everything myself.

But, in a heartbeat, I would do it all over again.

But just make sure that youtry best not to mix with too bad of company when you're there and not letyourself completely, completely go.

I think people right now can't really go also.

Yeah, unfortunately but the world heals and gets better, andoverseas exchange resumes, highly recommend without a doubt.

Thequestion would be, would it be good to go with your boyfriend or your girlfriend? Yeah it's very good, I enjoyed it.

I think for us especially we were together for two, three years and that kind of uncovered a lot of problems we had.

You know, in arelationship you have differences and you need to iron out your differences.

So when you spend a lot of time together that's where we really grew up.

Yeah, I would say it really depends like we also know a lot of couples that broke upwhile they were on exchange and that left things quite messy but thankfully for usyou know we saw it as an opportunity to get to know each other better andwe realized that we could live with each other for six months without killingeach other.

We still look back on our exchange days very fondly One of our best memories for sure.

Yeah, and we created so many funny memoriesand we have so many funny stories I think what's important is the timeperiod you go also.

You just make sure that you don't clash with the interviews that youhave for your job.

What? That's a good contribution.

You're so nerdy, oh my god! What? I thought this is a tips video? I think that is pretty much it, So thank you guys so much for watching! We are gonna be filming another video soon, So stay tuned for that! Don't forget to Like share and subscribe and of course, chat with us in the comments box down below, I really like to see what you guysthink as well everything that we've shared.

Our tips and advice are really based on our own personal experience and also the people around us, so it can be really really different for different people as well, so do keep thatin mind.

I would love to hear your thoughts! Talk to us! See you next time, bye!.

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